A funny thing happened during the survey today

For those of you who know me, you're familiar with my obsession with sites like 99u and people like Mike Vardy and  Craig Jarrow. Meeting Mr. Vardy and Mr. Jarrow at SXSW Interactive this year definitely helped spring my freelance career to another level. 

Also for those of you who know me, you know that I've been working at some capacity on a series of children's books for... a while. For those of you who don't know this about me, it's true. I want to write a series of children's books. Not to the level of a certain level of Ms. Rowling. But a series that gets kids, specifically girls, interested in using those rad brains of theirs. I've come as far as the first chapter, even sketched out some characters... but I'm not happy with any of it. So I start over, and over, and over.

Well I've been re-working and refreshing my goals: save money for a house, renovate said house, go on a yoga retreat, become a master in the kitchen a la SJC... oh and make progress with that book series.

Today I filled out a survey for Mr. Jarrow and didn't realize how unhappy I was that this goal has eluded me for so long. Or rather that I've allowed this goal to elude me for so long. I've chosen other things to work on instead- some of them very worthwhile (dinner with my fiance) and some of them not so (see how many servings of chips and salsa I can eat during one episode of New Girl). It wasn't until I actually typed out the emotional consequences of not pursuing this goal that I realized I've been hurting myself. It's kind of embarrassing. 

Do you know why I haven't pursued this goal as actively as I imagined I would? Because I'm afraid. I'm afraid the product on paper won't match up to the vision in my head. And here is where I make the scary choice. I choose to move forward anyway. Chip away daily and try not to get discouraged at first, or second, (or 15th) drafts. 

You don't have to share unless you want to, but are there any goals you're not pursuing? Why not? What do you feel when you think about them?